A shocking tale of crime and retribution showed up today via SprudgeWire, after having originally appeared in the Boca Raton Sun Sentinel:
A man robbed a 73-year-old woman’s purse in a Boca Raton parking lot Monday morning, despite the victim throwing a cup of coffee on him, police said.
The victim was getting out of her car outside a Publix supermarket about 10 a.m. in the 1000 block of South Federal Highway when a man grabbed her purse, police said.
There was a brief struggle and the victim threw her coffee on the suspect but he was still able to pull the purse away, police said. The victim fell to the floor and the robber ran away. She was not seriously injured, police said.
Unacceptable. Unbelievable. Outrageous. A little old lady should be safe just trying to go to the Publix, but we’re glad she was able to use her cup of coffee to enact some abuse on the sick twisted bastard who attacked her. We just had to know more about this horrendous case, so we used our extensive connections in the Boca Raton Reform Jewish community to obtain an exclusive interview with the victim. We think she’s a modern-day coffee hero: meet Mrs. Gladis “Bubby” Finklestein.
Sprudge: Mrs. Finklestein, we’re so glad that you have not been seriously injured, and we’re very sorry that you lost your purse in this awful attack. Are you feeling okay?
Gladis “Bubby” Finklestein: Oh I’m alright, but I still feel like I have a hobble in my hip. I’ll need to pick up s
more of that Golden’s Joint Rejoinder Powder the next time I’m at the supermarket.
Sprudge: We’ll go to the supermarket for you, Bubby, don’t worry.
Gladis “Bubby” Finklestein: Oh no don’t you boys make a fuss, I’ll be fine, my grandson Michael and his shiksa wife Darlene are in town from Yonkers, and they won’t let me out of their sight.
Sprudge: So what happened, Mrs. Finklestein?
Gladis “Bubby” Finklestein: I got out of my car – it’s a 1974 Plymouth Valiant – and then this yutz came up beside me and snatched my purse right outta my hands. It was horrible.
Sprudge: Can you tell us, Bubby, what were the contents of your purse?
Gladis “Bubby” Finklestein: Oh my, well, not much, let me see…I had my coin purse, a checking book, some green tic-tacs, an old satchel of Hanukkah gelt from last year’s festivities, juicy fruit, a medicated powder, coupons to the Publix, a ticket stub for last week’s showing of “Funny Girl” at the JCC, my ear drops, my poodle’s ear drops, my reading spectacles, some literature on a new davenport I’ve been considering for the den, my cold creams, a Swiss Army Knife from my dear departed brother Marshall, who we lost in the war, but not the one you’re thinking of, pepper spray, my pocket watch, the pager my granddaughter Kennedy gave me for my birthday in 1998, a dispenser of beetle spray, my Medicade bracelet, and an extra toothbrush and toothpaste.
Sprudge: And that’s when you hit ‘em with the coffee, Mrs. Finklstein?
Gladis “Bubby” Finklestein: That’s right, boys. I really let him have it. And my coffee was piping hot, I made sure they re-microwaved it for me at the Dunkin’ Donuts on Federal Highway.
Sprudge: Well if anyone is reading this in the Boca Raton area, be on the look-out for a man matching the description provided by Mrs. Finklestein – a “yutz” who has possibly been burned by scalding coffee, in possession of any or all of these items. We hope you feel better real soon Mrs. Finklestein.
Gladis “Bubby” Finklstein: Well thank you boys, but really, he was more of a schlameel.