A Real Coffee Snob Responds To Food Republic’s “13 Signs You’re A Coffee Snob”
Chantal Martineau, the famed defamed author of “Coffee Power Rankings”, has penned a “13 Signs You’re A Coffee Snob” piece for Food Republic (tagline “Eating The Way A Man Should Eat”). We feel Chantal’s article really missed the mark, so we asked a real coffee snob, Laurent Harlow, to weigh in on Martineau’s list.
I prefer rotating my selection of coffee bars day-to-day, so no, I don’t have a “regular coffee bar with a regular barista.” That’s really more of a layman’s thing. I like to spread my coffee dollar around and support a wide variety of specialty coffee small businesses in my region. Plus, no one wants to see the same demitasse day after day on my Instagram. Duh.
One cupping spoon? I own at least eight, many of which have been laser engraved with affirmations and testaments to my character.
Ever hear of a Cà phê sữa đá without sweetened condensed milk? Obviously not. My twice annual trip to New Orleans involves a visit to the Cafe Du Monde French Market Coffee Stand for a cafe au lait and beignet. Clearly, you need to get out more.
The iced coffees that come in “cute, stubby brown bottles” are not brewed the “Japanese way.” Fact check!
Hating on latte art is really more of a 2006 thing. Beauty is truth, and community is beauty.
As a connoisseur of the finer things in life, I’ll imbibe a Mocha Frappuccino® with aplomb, and perhaps help myself to that delightful Protein Box. Starbucks made my snobbery possible, and is the bedrock upon which specialty coffee in North America was built. Respect.
Like any good son/daughter-in-law, I bring my in-laws coffee. We bought them a proper set-up years ago.
(Heavy sigh) It’s Gesha, unless you’re talking about Panama Esmeralda.
Anyone whose drinking the same coffee on a daily basis clearly needs to expand their profile.
You forgot “electric kettle to boil water and then place in additional room temperature kettle; preferably Takahiro, with a long, tapered spout modified with a flow-restrictor.” My scale and timer are integrated but I use a vintage Le Jour antimagnetic 1/10 hand-wound mechanical stop watch for aesthetics.
No but really, pour-overs are coffeemakers. A Chemex is a coffeemaker. And I prefer oxygen bleached paper filters.
I prefer printed coffee quarterlies – the kind that are strictly digital-free, invitation only, and largely ignored by the mainstream media.
Who drinks cortados? Was this list originally drafted in 2011? It’s all about the coffee shot, these days.
Laurent Harlow is a longtime friend, first time contributor to Sprudge.com. You can follow him on Twitter, but we don’t recommend it.