Hot on the heels of their much-maligned $7 cup of premium Geisha coffee, Starbucks has announced the release of this $450 Metallic Super Gift Card Device. We think the Metallic Super Gift Card Device (MSGCD) would make the perfect gift for the Bond villain on your holiday shopping list. Here’s the top seven Bond villains/henchman/assorted ne’r-do-wells who would appreciate this gift the most.
Editors note: The MSGCD is totally, actually real. We did not make it up.
7. Nick Nack The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
Drink of choice: Short French Roast
With the metallic gift card Nick Nack could buy around three hundred short French Roast blend coffees at Starbucks. This would be helpful in aiding him in the mansion control room, pairs well with peanuts, and would allow him to handle a cup of coffee in one hand, and his appropriately sized gun in the other.
6. Jaws Moonraker (1979)
Drink of choice: Venti Strawberry Creme Frappuccino Blended Creme
The Metallic Super Gift Card Device matches beautifully with Jaws’ blinged-out grill. Although he’s one big beefy henchman, we’re sure he prefers the sweeter things in life – and nothing is quite as sweet as a Strawberry Creme Frappuccino Blended Creme. His gift card will pay for about one hundred of them.
5 & 4. Max Zorin & May Day A View To A Kill (1985)
Drink of choice: Grande Iced Unsweetened Green Tea and a Tall Orange Mango Smoothie
Perhaps the best villain/femme fatale duo in the franchise’s history, Max Zorin and May Day sparkle as 80’s Silicon Valley microchip mongers. While Zorin sticks to a healthful green iced tea, we’re certain May Day fills up on whey protein with her orange mango smoothie (she needs to stay fit to lift grown men over her head).
3. Rosa Klebb From Russia With Love (1963)
Drink of choice: Grande Skinny Caramel Macchiato
Who can forget Klebb’s infamous poison-tipped steel shoe knife and trusty whip? We’re sure she’d put both of them down and forget all about the Lektor decoding machine if presented with a delicious grande skinny Caramel Macchiato. Not too many people know that the Caramel Macchiato is actually just a not-too-sweet vanilla latte with a caramel drizzle on top. The “macchiato” portion means that the shots are poured on top of the milk, “marking the foam”. Knowledge is power!
Editors note: Sprudge co-founder Zachary Carlsen started his coffee career at the University Place Green Firs shopping center Starbucks, circa 2001.
2. Oddjob Goldfinger (1964)
Drink of choice: Tall Caffe Latte
Oddjob’s signature look – silent, brooding,with a razor sharp bowler cap – says Caffe Latte all the way. Straight forward, simple, and full of milk, the Caffe Latte gets the job done in more ways than one. With the $450 Metallic Super Gift Car Device, Oddjob can acquirearound 125 of these little doozies.
1. Ernst Stavro Blofeld From Russia with Love, Thunderball, You Only Live Twice, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Diamonds Are Forever, For Your Eyes Only
Drink of choice: Grande White Chocolate Mocha
The grand poobah of Bond villains, the dastardly Mr. Blofeld most certainly drinks the grand poobah of Starbucks drinks: the White Chocolate Mocha. Perfectly balanced blend of flavor, coffee, and sweetness – with just a hint of evil?